Dead Inside
by TitansRule
Summary: Having met Don's sister, Jess realises there's something wrong, but can she really go on pretending that she feels nothing but friendship for her partner? More importantly, does she need to? Story #51 in my 'Kindred Spirits' series.


**Disclaimer: I do not own CSI: NY.  
****Series: 'Kindred Spirits'.  
****Spoilers: **_**Dead Inside.**_

* * *

Dead Inside

"_Listen, I've gotta run down a warrant over at Crown Heights; Captain doesn't want me to go solo but Vicari's got the flu. Mind coming?"_

Jess was cursing herself for agreeing. They had just been stopped by a beer bottle shattering against the car and now had to deal with two guys who seemed to think what they had just done was the funniest thing in the world.

After several minutes of obscene suggestions, Martinez finally seemed to catch on to the fact that Jess was ready to throttle both of them. "Angell, why don't you have a chat with their friend?"

Jess followed his gaze and noticed a young woman leaning against a nearby wall with a bottle of beer in her hand. She had to be at least four or five years younger than her, maybe a little more, with straight brunette hair and blue eyes that seemed strikingly familiar, although Jess couldn't quite place them.

Jess approached her a little warily, unsure if she would start kicking off. "Ma'am, my name's Detective Angell; how much have you had to drink tonight?"

"Not much, Detective." She insisted; her words were slightly slurred, but there was no indication of drunken behaviour. Her tone was civil and her voice steady, almost as though she had drunk as much as she had so many times that she was used to hiding it.

"You're not intending to drive home, are you?" Jess asked worriedly.

"No, ma'am. I'll walk."

Jess frowned. That didn't seem much of a safer option; the neighbourhood wasn't the best and any young woman walking alone was in potential danger, let alone one as inebriated as her. "What's your name, kid?"

"Samantha." She answered. "Samantha Flack."

Jess froze, the name echoing in her head, taunting her. That was why she was so familiar.

"Hey, you know my brother, don't you?" Samantha's face lit up. "How is Donnie?"

Despite the situation, Jess couldn't help but stifle a smile at Sam's pet-name for her brother. She tried to imagine Don's expression if she used it, but that threatened her professionalism even more. "He's fine. Listen, Samantha, I'd feel better if you got a cab home or something. This isn't the best place to walk alone at this time of night."

"I'll be fine." Sam insisted. "The guys will look after me."

Jess glanced over to where Martinez was wrestling one of them into the back of the car. "I think they'll be spending the night in the drunk-tank." She took Samantha's arm firmly and led her over to the curb, sticking an arm out. "Taxi!"

A yellow cab pulled up next to them and Jess opened the back door. "Samantha, what's your address?" She pulled out her wallet and handed the money to the driver, flashing her badge as she did. "Do me a favour; make sure she gets in safely. Hand her over to the doorman if you have to."

"Yes, Detective."

Jess shook her head as the cab pulled away, heading back over to the car. "It's times like this," she jerked her head towards the two men in the backseat, "that I wish our cars had partitions."

"Why didn't you bring her in?" Martinez asked, turning the car round. "I'll have to serve that warrant tomorrow. I hate it when things like this happened."

"She wasn't the one causing trouble." Jess reminded him. "If I run into her again, I'll do something about it; I promise."

"How do you know you'll remember her?" Martinez pressed.

"Her name's Samantha Flack." Jess told him. "I won't forget it in a hurry."

"Flack as in your partner?" Martinez asked. "That Flack?"

"That Flack." Jess confirmed. "And the two of us are the only people who are gonna know when I walk into work tomorrow. Right?"

"Copy that." Martinez muttered. "I'm not getting on his bad side. Are we gonna tell him?"

"I'll tell him." Jess offered. "I'm more likely to come off as 'concerned friend', as opposed to 'colleague who nearly hooked his baby sister up on a drunk and disorderly charge'."

* * *

Once again, Jess found herself regretting her decision. She had yet to see Don that morning, since he'd been called to one half of their crime scene and she was waiting for the other to dock. Despite having all night to think about it, she still had no idea how to tell him about the previous evening.

With great effort, she dragged herself back to the woman in front of her. "**What time was that?**"

"**I had a manicure in the morning, went there right after, so 10, maybe.**" She wiped her eyes hurriedly. "**I'm sorry.**"

Nodding understandingly, Jess jotted the information down, spotting Don making his way towards them out of the corner of her eye, his gaze drifting to the other half of their crime scene, floating on the East River behind her. She gestured to the uniforms and Wilson came over, taking Rita aside to finish up the questioning.

"**What's her story?**" Don asked as soon as he was close enough.

"**Kevin McBride's secretary, Rita Mannetti.**" Jess explained. "**She came by to see why we were suddenly taking the house for a little detour.**"

Don sighed. "**Well, I didn't get squat from the canvas of the neighbourhood. No one saw anything out of the ordinary, other than a 20-tonne house being driven away.**"

Jess nodded. "**I'll run criminal history checks on the moving crew and see if anything pops up." She paused, steeling herself. "I met your sister last night.**"

"**You did?**" Don looked surprised. "**Where?**"

"**Martinez and I were running down a warrant in Crown Heights and a beer bottle suddenly collided with the windshield of our car.**" Jess told him with a smile, hoping to put a humorous spin on it.

"**Sam?**" Don asked; she nodded. "**I guess one of her friends bailed her out,**" he shrugged, "**because my phone didn't ring.**"

"**We didn't bring her in.**" Jess assured him. "**But she mentioned you …**"

"**Why didn't you call me, Jess?**" Don interrupted.

"**It was the guys she was hanging with who were causing most of the commotion.**" Jess told him, hoping to alleviate the concern in his eyes.

"**Right.**" Don shook his head. "**You know, I don't know why my sister does this stuff. My father's washed his hands of her and I gave him a hard time about it, but … I get it. I'm starting to think he did the right thing.**"

Jess couldn't help remembering the expression on Sam's face when she mentioned her brother; there had been nothing but affection in her eyes. But now wasn't the time to give advice or pass judgement. "**I'm sorry, Don; I shouldn't have said anything.**"

"**No, it's good. It's good you told me.**" Don turned away from her and headed back to his car, leaving Jess feeling very worried and slightly sick. She couldn't remember the last time Don had just walked away from her like that.

* * *

Jess stepped out of the precinct on her way to grab some lunch and was confronted with a sandwich. "Thanks. How'd you know I was hungry?"

"It's three in the afternoon." Don answered. "And I guessed you didn't stop for food. And I owe you an apology for being so short with you this morning."

"Don't worry about it." Jess searched his expression. "That's not all that's bothering you. You okay?"

"Walk with me." Don steered her away from the precinct, towards the park. "Tell me honestly, Jess; did you give Sam an easy time of it last night because she was my sister?"

"No!" Jess rolled her eyes. "Come on, Don; would I do something like that? She hadn't done anything wrong; she was perfectly polite, didn't mouth off or anything. The only reason I even asked her name was to get her in a cab so she could get home safely; she proposed walking. Before then, I'd had no idea who she was."

"And the guys?" Don prompted.

"I doubt they'll be going near her again." Jess smirked. "Martinez knows who she is and spent the entire ride back to the precinct telling me how he wasn't going to tell you because of what a great cop you are and you'd know how to kill him without getting caught."

Don grinned slightly. "Fantastic. Managed to put the fear of God into them without me being there." He hesitated, his smile disappearing again. "Why didn't you call me? That wasn't an answer earlier."

"Don, you can't have it both ways." Jess told him gently. "I either treat her like your sister or I treat her like anyone else. And if it was anyone else, I wouldn't have phoned her older brother."

Don sighed. "I suppose so. I just … I don't get why she does this stuff."

"Don, when she realised I knew you, her face lit up; not because she could get out of trouble, because it was obvious she wasn't in any, but because she loves you." Jess told him. "That was obvious. Did you go and talk to her?"

"Yeah, and it was like talking to a brick wall." Don shook his head. "It's like she doesn't even realise that there's a problem. In fact, I got the impression that she'd been drinking more than said she had."

This description hit a chord in Jess's memory and she smiled weakly. "Like I said, it was obvious she thinks the world of you. You're probably the last person she wants to know she has a problem. Trust me; I've got four older brothers. The older three, I can admit failure to all day long. But Matt, I never could."

"It's difficult to imagine you failing at anything." Don murmured.

"Pardon?" Jess asked, though she was fairly sure she'd heard him right.

"Nothing; just thinking aloud." Don checked his phone as it beeped. "Excuse me."

"Sure." Jess watched him walk away and balled the sandwich wrapper up, tossing it into the nearest trashcan. A couple of passing college kids applauded as she hit her target and she spared herself a victorious smirk as she pulled out her own phone, scrolling down her contact list until she came across a familiar number.

"_Hello?"_

"Rob?" Jess checked. "It's me."

"_Hey there, stranger. How come you never call?"_

"How come you never do?" Jess shot back. "How are you?" She asked warily, knowing he'd hear the underlying question.

"_Fine, Jessie; four years and counting."_

"Good." Jess sighed in relief. "Listen; I got a problem."

"_Hang on." _She heard the TV go off in the background. _"Alright, you have my full attention."_

"Good. My partner's sister's having a bit of trouble …" Jess explained the previous night to her brother, how Samantha had obviously had more to drink than she was letting on and what Don had just said. "Sound familiar?

Rob sighed. _"Yeah. Listen, Jess; let her brother handle it, alright? I could never have done it without you lot, but I wouldn't have wanted your friends to get in on the action. Unless … Unless you're more than just good friends with her brother?"_

Jess laughed. "No, Robbie; we're best friends and partners; nothing more."

"_But you'd like to be." _Rob stated knowingly. _"Don't worry, Chickpea; I won't tell Dad."_

"Don't call me that!" Jess rolled her eyes.

"_You're my little sis. I'm allowed to call you that."_ Rob told her, the grin evident in his voice. _"I do mean to call, Jess; work just gets on top of me sometimes. But I love you. You know that right?"_

"I know." Jess assured him, spotting Don returning. "I love you too."

"_I'll talk to you later, Chickpea."_ The phone rang off before she could argue again.

"Damn him." She muttered, slipping her phone back in her pocket. "Hey."

"Who were you talking to?" Don asked.

Jess glanced up, wondering slightly about the hard note that had entered into his voice. "Rob. You know, my brother? Lives in Michigan, always forgets to call?"

"Right. Right." Don nodded, holding up his own phone. "Couple of our boys found a framing hammer a couple blocks from the crime scene. They're meeting me at the crime lab with it."

"Good." Jess nodded. "Listen, Don; go easy on Samantha, alright? You're not just Detective Flack; you're her brother."

* * *

"_Jess … I need a ride."_

Don's voice had been tired and drained and Jess hadn't hesitated to leave the quiet of her apartment and drive out to the address he had given her, despite the double-shift she'd just worked.

Shivering in the January air, Jess leaned against her car, watching the doors opposite her. Finally, they opened and Don strode towards her, looking as though the world was slowly caving in on him. When he reached her, he gave no indication of his usual cheery smile, sighing heavily. "**You know what? I thought I needed a ride, but …**"

"**You changed your mind, huh?**" Jess asked knowingly.

"**Yeah.**" Don nodded. "**I'm gonna walk this one off.**"

Jess cast a worried look at the doors he'd just exited. "**You and Sam gonna be okay?**"

"**We're stubborn.**" Don stated, finally giving her a wry smile.

"**You gonna be okay?**" Jess prompted.

Don's smile grew a little more. "**Yeah.**" He hesitated. "**Alright, I'll see you.**"

Jess nodded as he turned away, a small part of her a little upset that he had said nothing about the fact that she'd come to give him a lift in spite of her exhaustion. She turned back to her car, fishing for her keys in her pocket.

"**Jess…**"

Jess spun around again, seeing Don walking back towards her. "**Yeah?**"

And then, suddenly, with no warning or preamble, his hand was resting on the back of her neck and …

_Oh my God … is he kissing me?_

He was.

She responded tentatively, not entirely certain that she wasn't imagining the whole thing, as she had so many times before. But there was no way she could be imagining it, not this time. Her entire body seemed to be on fire and she felt herself react to his touch in ways she had never anticipated.

Don pulled back momentarily, before pressing another kiss to her lips, this one slightly more desperate, taking her breath away. Then, he stepped back and searched her eyes for a few seconds.

"**Thanks.**"

With that, his hand dropped and he walked away from her again, without looking back.

Jess felt a smile appear on her face and got back in her car, fighting the urge to squeal like a giddy school-girl. She couldn't remember the last time a man had made her feel like this, with one kiss no less.

_But what did it mean?_

The thought sobered her immediately, enough to start the drive home. The question flew around her head all the way back to her building and up the stairs, refusing to quieten, echoing mockingly in her mind.

Her apartment was warm, not the best environment for thinking when she was already as tired as she was.

Nevertheless, she began making some coffee, hoping that would keep her awake at least for a little while, knowing that Don's walk would probably lead him straight back to her.

Sure enough, before long, there came a knock at her door and she glanced through the peep-hole to see her partner standing there. "You okay?" She asked, as soon as the door was closed behind him.

Don leaned against the wall and looked at her for a second. "You kissed me."

"Er, I think your memory's failing you." Jess teased lightly. "I think you'll find that _you_ kissed _me._"

"Yeah, but you responded." Don pointed out, a smile growing on his face. "That's gotta mean something."

"It does." Jess conceded. "It means you're a good kisser, Detective. You want some coffee?" She moved away from him, into her kitchenette, hoping to delay his inevitable explanation that it was nothing more than a thank-you kiss. But her movements were stopped when his hands landed on her waist, holding her in place.

"You're avoiding the subject, Jessica."

It had reached the point where Jess was able to judge any situation involving Don by what he called her.

Most of the time, she was 'Jess', as she was to any of her friends.

'Angell' was reserved for when they were at work, usually, but not solely, when he was 'Detective Flack, first grade'; she knew he hated pulling rank, so he revert to her last name in the hope that she would step back and he wouldn't need to say it.

'Jessie', he only ever used when he needed her to do something, usually something he didn't want to do; he would jog up to her, sling an arm around her shoulders and give her a predictably outrageous complement, before saying, "Jessie, I need a favour …"

The rest of the time, he tended to call her 'Detective', which had become a sort of pet-name between the two of them.

He only ever called her 'Jessica' when they were talking about something very, very serious and she found it difficult to concentrate when he did because of the way each syllable rolled off his tongue, but her attention was on high alert now; how could it not be when she was very aware of his presence behind her and his mouth was millimetres away from her neck?

"You know, I hadn't been planning on kissing you when I called you back." Don told her quietly. "I was just going to thank you. But then I remembered yesterday, when you were on the phone; for a second, I thought you were talking to a boyfriend. And I know I had no right to be upset if it was, but you … dammit, Jess, I've only got so much self-restraint and it's been crumbling ever since I met you. And I'm sorry if I crossed the line; you know you're important to me and I could never lose you. So you say the word and this conversation never happened. We'll pretend the last hour never happened."

"I know." Jess swallowed. "But I don't want to." She felt his hold loosen slightly and she turned to face him. "Your self-restraint is only a little bit better than mine. I want more than this."

Don didn't respond. Instead, he leant down and kissed her again. It took her less time to respond this time, as one of his hands slipped up to tangle in her hair.

This had to be what heaven felt like. She let herself melt into his arms, feeling herself back into the counter behind her. The hand on her still waist brushed against her skin as her shirt rose up slightly, sending a spark of electricity through her.

Don broke away gently, resting his forehead against hers. "We've both got tomorrow evening off. You up for dinner?"

"Are you asking me out on a date, Detective?" Jess asked, running her hands over his shoulders. "Nice place, food neither of us can afford and an awkward moment at the end?"

"No, I was thinking my place, I'll cook and you can pick the movie." Don grinned at her. "How does that sound?"

Jess reached up to kiss him, feeling him smile against her lips. "Sounds good." She pulled away slightly to meet his eyes. "I'm not messing around here."

"I know." Don cupped her face. "I'm not either. I want a relationship with you. I'm sensing a 'but' coming up here."

"We need to keep it out of the precinct." Jess told him. "As soon as we're through that door, we're partners, nothing more. See if we can outwit the rumour-mill for once."

"Hmm … fair enough." Don kissed her again. "It's late. Can I borrow your couch?"

"My bed's more comfortable." Jess reminded him, tilting her head back as his lips trailed across her cheek and down to her neck. "To sleep, I mean."

"Remember what I said earlier, Jess," Don murmured in her ear, his voice low, "my self-restraint has just about snapped. Don't tempt me."

Jess laughed quietly. "I don't do things like that on the first date, Don. Or before it." She added as his mouth opened. "I just finished a double, remember?"

"And you still came out to give me a lift." Don kissed her forehead. "You're amazing, you know that?"

"I try." Jess regarded him with a little concern. "Speaking of, you wanna talk about that?"

Don sighed. "Not right now. I need to sort it through in my head first."

"Sure." Jess hesitated slightly. "I know it's not the easiest thing to accept." She smiled at the look of surprise on his face. "My brother … they're not signs you forget easy."

"I just …" Don shook his head. "She's my baby sister; I can't get my head round the fact that I can't fix this for her."

"Maybe you don't need to." Jess suggested. "It took me and the boys six months to convince Rob that he had a problem. It sounds like Sam's done that all by herself." Reluctantly, she disentangled herself from his embrace, taking his hand. "Come on. We both had a long day and we'll never get any sleep at this rate."

"Good point." Don stifled a yawn. "All joking aside, you sure you don't mind me staying the night?"

"I trust you." Jess rifled through her drawers. "Do you need anything?"

"No, I'm fine." Don grinned. "I'm a guy; we can improvise."

"In that case, can I borrow your shirt?" Jess asked. "I have yet to do laundry."

"Sure." Don pulled his shirt over his head and tossed it over to her.

"Thanks." Jess ducked into the bathroom and changed quickly, dropping her folded clothes on top of her dresser. "What?"

Don was smirking at her. "You look good in my shirt."

"Better than a Kevlar?" Jess shot back, climbing into bed next to him.

"Oh, I dunno." Don reached over and pulled her to him, tucking her head under his chin. "You did look pretty damn sexy before that warehouse raid. Kevlar vest and a pump-action shotgun; image wouldn't leave my head all day."

"You're doing this on purpose." Jess murmured, feeling her face heat up.

"You started it." Don kissed her forehead.

"True." Jess's eyes started to grow heavy, but sleep still stayed at bay. Her fingers traced patterns on his chest, running of their own accord down to the scar left by the bomb. "Does it hurt?"

"Not anymore." Don answered, tensing slightly under her touch.

Jess withdrew her hand. "Sorry. Forgot you don't like other people touching it."

"Only when they're fresh." Don corrected. "I'm just not used to people touching it. Most women tended to ignore it or avoid it."

"I'm not most women." Jess reminded him, her fingers resting on the scar, sketching the outline lightly. "For one thing, I saw it while it _was_ fresh, remember, so why should I avoid it? And it's part of what makes you who you are, so why would I ignore it?"

Don touched her face gently, tilting it up to kiss her. "That's good work, Detective."

**

* * *

AN: That was harder than I thought it would be. Review please!**


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